Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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