Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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