The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
