1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
