I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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