I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im holly from the hills drunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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