Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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