He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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