Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
