She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
