i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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