after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
