The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You don't make any sense
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