I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
