remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
