I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
