Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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