I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
