Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
