Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
