Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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