we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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