He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
