I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
