sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
