Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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