oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
