try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
