Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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