He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
