Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's always time for handjobs
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
