You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
