i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
