id be glad to
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
