two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
