i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My balls are so social today.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
