So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
