Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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