Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I stole a fireplace last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
