I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
