I just made out with a guy for $7.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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