I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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