In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
