dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
