He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
