would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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