there's paper in my vomit.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
