There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
