omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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