No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
