worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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